And it's not insecurity about my looks.
I'm just insecure at school.
In my insides, I feel insecure.
About the simplest things.
Like today.
Today, I was coming out of the bathroom and I saw a guy I knew.
So I wave.
Then I notice there's a girl walking next to him and I all the sudden walk and wave insecurely. And all the sudden FEEL insecure.
I've realized recently, it's not the school.
It's me.
*Thank you "Anonymous" for commenting.
You don't have to "change" yourself.
ReplyDeleteWhat you're going through is called an "identity crises." You're just trying to figure out who you are and how you fit into the big puzzle of life.
This is something that everyone, at one point, must face. It's inevitable. Most of the shallow, or fake, people that you mention on here will have to go through it, too. It's just that it'll happen later. They'll get what's coming to them. The later this "identity crises" occurs, the worse it is, because now they have even MORE years of struggle to figure out, and by then they'll be in college or later, where you have to support yourself and learn to be truly independent.
Honestly, yeah, it sucks. It feels like the rug has been pulled out from beneath you... but you'll learn how to stand on your own two feet again. Agonizing on how you've "changed" won't do anything to help you - in fact, it will just make you paranoid and more self conscious of your actions - which it looks like is already starting to happen. You didn't "change," Rachel. You're growing up. The fact that you've realized how you've grown proves that you're maturing. Besides, ever heard of the term, "Growing Pains?" :P
Fortunately for me, my identity crises young, younger than you are, while I was still in middle school. So now I have the rest of my life to live comfortably with who I am.
Besides, reading from past entries, it seems that you have nice, caring friends who love you. Talk to them. Chances are, they're going through the same thing you are now.
Best of luck.
:)
thank you so much for commenting and caring. it means so much to me.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is insecure about something.
ReplyDeleteYou gotta love yourself if you want to enjoy life. Life it and love it.
Who cares what other people think.
You are who you are.